Breathing causes cancer
This just in: breathing is deadly. It causes cancer.
Unlike high cholesterol and high blood pressure in relation to heart disease and fatal heart attacks, breathing has been a common factor in every single person who has ever died of cancer. Research done at Harvard Princeton Stanford Bumboffer University in Bumboffer, Georgia implicates the act of breathing with a 100% mortality rate from any known cause, including cancer.
In short, all who breathe will die.
Now, this breath thing is far more serious than that whole cholesterol thing, or even that smoking thing. Some people croak in their sleep after living 112 years, smoking every day, and with a cholesterol level of 5,000. I don’t suggest you give this strategy for life a shot, but facts are facts.
Breathing. That’s where it’s at.
Also, the same Bumboffer study (if you don’t get that, you really are a sheltered soul) revealed the following elements that are linked to every known dead person since recorded history:
- Everyone with eyelids who blink eventually die.
- Gas and Hollywood must be absolutely lethal; the study revealed that everyone who has ever died farted in a movie theater at least once.
- Communication in any medium is now a leading cause of death. Everyone who communicates via language, sign language, or written language ends up on the coroner’s table.
The Bumboffer Study covered many other direct correlations to death, all of which result in 100% mortality rates. Now, compare this with, say, high cholesterol. Let’s see…over half of the people who have heart attacks have low total cholesterol, and over 70% of those with heart disease of any kind have low cholesterol.
Hmmm.
Now, exactly why are you more afraid of cholesterol than breathing?
“Well Jon, you gotta BREATHE to LIVE, you dumb Bingo-head deity, you!”
Yeah. Good one, Skippy.
Too bad you need cholesterol to live too…numbskull.
So there. That’s what you get for questioning my logic. Next time, it’s the evil monkey for all of you.
So, the point? Is there a point to be had in our immediate future?
Yes — you’ve yet to see a drug introduced by the pharmies that ceases or suppresses breath, right? Well…why? Everyone who breathes ends up dead. In fact, I suppose you could say that life causes cancer. We know for sure that tests done on laboratory rats causes cancer. Avoid those tests at all cost.
Poor Jacko’s buddies…test victims for cancer. Did you lose any sleep over it last night? I didn’t. You don’t hear much about PETA protesting, say, the death of poisonous spiders, flies, or even rats in the cellar (great old Aerosmith reference there.) I know, the “A” is for “Animals”, but why are they so “worthy of life” as opposed to the lowly fly? ‘Cause you can’t pet or cuddle with a freakin’ fly, that’s why. Come to think of it, PETA can kiss my rat’s Rummy.
Anyhooooooo….the pharmies. I’m off again. Why? Because our fellow 10er and writer extraordinaire Greggo (aka Greg, Gringo, and Hey…you…you in the red shirt…) forwarded me a tremendous (read: typical) study and conclusion published by our good friends and protectors of our health government-funded* (see comments for details) and hopelessly clueless AMA-supported American Heart Association.
With a name like that, you’d think I should either pray to them, insist on praying publically after entering their hallowed halls — only later to come under fire from members of the ACLU, who are also paid-up members of PETA — or at least show them some respect. But no…they too can kiss my rat’s Rummy.
Oh, the AHA isn’t all bad. Not at all. They’re just mostly clueless. But it’s not their fault. A lot of the people in the know don’t service the public. Those that do are cool — they think they’re trying really hard to rid the United States of heart disease.
They’re failing miserably, but hey — so are the Cowboys, and I still love ‘em. Hmmm…never “loved” the AHA, so I guess that logic doesn’t fly. Don’t question it, though…Mr. Evil Monkey, remember? Yeah, you’re shuddering like Kate Moss naked on a cold winter’s day after being dunked in ice water, aren’t you? Punk. I’ll let the monkey GO, baby…so keep yourself in check ‘round these parts.
Here’s the utter piece of poo high-profile study that Greg sent to me. I didn’t want to tell him that almost every study reads like this, but few have the gumption to actually quote the sponsors. Usually one must do one’s own research to find out that Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine and Dr. Doolittle were supplied their research grant through The Fill-In-The-Blank Pharmie Company, a subsidiary of The Headupourass & Handsinyourpocket Drug Company, Walla Walla, Washington.
Note: this was a typical “lower your cholesterol or die” study, and the details have been snipped because they’re damn silly. The conclusion says it all:
Conclusions
In the past 3 decades, the lipid hypothesis has been confirmed. Decreasing plasma levels of LDL-C has led to a reduction in mortality in high-risk subjects. Despite these encouraging results, patients with established CAD and those at high risk for the development of CAD continue to have a worse prognosis than healthy subjects. Lifestyle changes and intensive and aggressive treatment of risk factors must be initiated and maintained in such individuals. Pharmacological modulation of the atherothrombotic processes may lead to improvements in outcomes.
Acknowledgments
Dr Genest receives honoraria from Fournier Pharma, Merck Frosst Canada, Pfizer Canada, and AstraZeneca for conferences and the advisory board. Dr Pedersen receives research grants and/or speaker/consultation honoraria from Merck & Co, Schering-Plough, Pfizer, AstraZeneca, and Novartis.
Is that just classic or what?
Good ‘ole Dr. Genest and Dr. Pedersen…pawns of the pharmies.
Think they’re the only ones? Ha. Only if Madonna is a virgin.
The singer…not the Catholic chick.
Look, just because something is “there” (like, for instance, cholesterol within plaque formations) doesn’t mean it caused the damn thing. That’s just as silly as saying breathing causes cancer. Researchers are wise to look for common factors in disease states, but they latch on to the nearest ‘culprit’ (read: one that can easily be controlled by a new wonder drug, and hence receive more funding from the Wonder Drug Company of Walla Walla, Washington — they’re all from Walla Walla, I think) and run with it like O.J. with a football impaled with a bloody knife.
So, where does this leave you? Simple: patient, heal thyself, or find a doctor who’s not a complete greedmonster moron and allow him or her to work with you, heal you, educate you, and give you the facts.
I saw several doctors in the past month. They all wanted to toss drugs at me. They all wanted to get me out of their office in under 5 minutes. None of them could answer a single question beyond, “What is this pill for?”, and “Do you take Blue Cross?”
As I’ve said from day one, most doctors in America SUCK. The ones that don’t are angels of mercy — true heroes. I only wish I could find one. Seriously. I don’t have a GP because I can’t locate one (remember, i live in Dallas — hardly Bumboffer, Georgia) who’s worth a Jacko.
If anyone has a good reference, I’ll take it — and no, I’m not joking.
I actually “do” require medical services. There are things that you should ‘not’ self-diagnose, and there are most certainly areas that even sucky doctors excel in that I do not. I’m not that much of a pompous ass. I just refuse to go to one whose first damn question is, “What insurance do you have?” Of all the docs I’ve called, this is the first question the admins ask — every single time. No exceptions. I’ve even asked to speak to nurses first — same question.
Hey, Rummywipes — how about, “What’s ailing you, sir?” “How do you feel?” “Are you in pain?” “How can we help you?”
I’d settle for, “Look, we have to make a living and god knows everyone sues us — mostly for good reason, but some are just lazy people who want a quick buck. So, we have to cover this insurance thing…but after that, I’d like to know what your symptoms are.”
Anyone out there with “M.D.” tucked neatly behind your name care to respond? Please — Bingo loves a futile quid pro quo challenge.
It’s every 10er for him/herself. However, I highly suggest making it a mission in your life to find a really, really, REALLY good doctor who is willing to work with you (yes, yes, and your insurance) to help you stay healthy.
I’ll leave you with this thought. An ER doc friend of mine (one of the good guys) said this to me: “Jon, we’ve never been in the health care business. We’re in the disease care business. The vast majority of medical funding in this country goes to the treatment of disease, not the prevention of it.”
Ouch. Looks like it’s up to you and me, and our good friends at Bumboffer. {10}
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Comments (25)
Kellie said:
Jon,
I can sympathize with you on the lack of good doctors. The one we went to (only when absolutly necessary) was what we called a “take two Advil and don’t call me in the morning” guy. I went in once with these painfull red lumps on my legs and he told me I had erythro nedosum, pay as you leave please. I know enough latin to know he told me I had red lumps, duh. Or there was the time when I was hit by a car while riding my bike. My elbow was hurting horribly the next day and I went to have it checked. X-rays were taken and told it was brusied I was sent home with a perscription for anti-biotics for the road rash and told to take Advil for the pain. After several weeks and still hurting I went back and guess what, my elbow had been broken the whole time. Somehow he missed that the first time, and this is what doctors are supposed to be good for. The list goes on where his answer is Advil and antibiotics. I throw the precriptions away, why throw a healthy immune system out of balance because I “might” get and infection. We just recently found another doctor covered by our insurance. We’ll see if this one is any better.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 12:22 PM
Elisa said:
I can relate though not lately. I fired my first endocrinologist who despite that my thyroid hormones seemed to be within the “normal range” chaulked my racing heart and sleepless nights up to everything being in my head.
I’ve found that female doctors tend to be better listeners and less likely to just dole out the drug doing best in the portfolio at the moment. Though being female is, of course, no guarantee. I have an endocrinologist now who a doctor friend of mine (one of the good ones) brings her kids to (one has diabetes). Maybe that’s the key. We have to find doctors that a respected doctor will go to.
I will keep my ears open for you. If I hear of any good docs in Dallas, I will certainly let you know. I don’t know how much time you spend in NYC but I will keep an ear out for docs there as well.
It’s sad what “healthcare” has become in this country. Your doctor friend is right. Disease is far more profitable than health. In a country driven by the almighty buck, this is very likely not to change. We’re in this for ourselves. The best we can do is help each other along and try to influence a shift.
Think of the health (mental and physical) of this nation if the same amount of money went into prevention as goes into say statin and heartburn drugs? AMAZING how different the world would be!!!
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 12:40 PM
Greg said:
Der Bingle,
I must take exception to one statement you made in today’s post, the assertion that the AHA is government-funded. It’s actually publicly funded. Around the same time I worked for The Huge Data Systems, Inc., I held a freelance position as proofreader/editor for the AHA’s Stroke and Circulation journals. I also spent a month of evenings cold-calling for AHA donations a few years before that.
The AHA is for the most part publicly funded. A non-profit. But if you head north of your current digs to Greenville Ave. you’ll run right into their posh headquarters, where most of the employees are working on licensing deals, corporate sponsorhip and breakfast-flake tie-ins. You’d think you were in a business headquarters, for goodness’ sake! And a fancy one at that. Real plants in the lobby!
A very minor point, to be sure, whether they’re gov-funded or public…if they were gov-funded they might actually be a bit more accountable. The beauty part of being public is that they goose-step to the beat of the cardiologist-lobby/pharma-rep drummers—and I mean drummers in the 1920s slang meaning of the word.
As far as your Diogenistic search for a Caduceus-bearer goes (pardon the Greek but your Bumboffer U. kinda set the tone), I am reminded of my wife ailing at home these past two weeks with a nasty rhinovirus. Guess what her physician prescribed? Antibiotics. Guess what the physician always says when you ask why they’re prescribing a drug that kills microbes when the illness is caused by a virus? “It can’t hurt, might stem off any opportunistic secondary infections that could occur.” (Translation: If I push enough of these hi-octane shekelcillin™ scrips before March I’m eligible for PfizerMerk’s 7-day Caribbean seminar cruise!)
And while we’re busy discussing the medical establishment…. Even though I’m deathly afraid of physicians, I’m almost looking forward to my next physical this spring. I am oddly confident that my LDLs have gone way down as a result of changed diet and exercise; last visit my physician said the only way to lower them without statins was through unspecified “heroic efforts” and even then you’d only see a 10-pt. drop.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 01:15 PM
Jon Benson said:
Full replies later, but Greg:
“Public funded” is more accurate — but the majority of their donations are from people who have vested interest in the pharmies.
I have sources if you’d like — hence a roundabout goverment institution with NO accountablilty. Hence the mass of crap for studies.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 02:00 PM
Jon Benson said:
* To All:
Greggomatic made a comment about my commentary: that the AHA is not goverment-funded. This is technically correct, of course. They are “publically funded.”
Riiiiiggght.
Let me tell ya something!!
First, the pharmies are dishing BILLIONS of dollars to the powers-that-be in D.C. Only the hopelessly clueless can miss this point (just look it up.)
So, the way it goes is this:
1. Pharmie pays Mr. Politician X dollars for various…er…lobbying interests. Yeah. Campaign finance is a SMALL part of these dollars. Other stuff includes crap you don’t want to know about. Remember, I have friends in high places…really.
2. Goverment becomes a pawn of the pharmies, and any other group with billions to donate.
3. Goverment decides to “support” (i.e. start under the table) a “publically-supported non-profit” group…you know, ‘cause they care and s—t.
4. Said group is really mostly okay, except for those in the know who suck.
5. Said group then gets tons of support and research from…ta-da!! The PHARMIES! The same guys who supported the government who supported the group to start with.
Here’s just ONE press release that covers this sordid little circle. There’s a hundred others.
Hence my term “government-funded” — it was sarcasm, tinted with a ton of truth (and other “Ts”, too.):
———
The extent of pharmaceutical giving in fiscal 2003-2004 escalated to reflect increased competition for funds among health charities. Competition for funds among health-based charities rose, triggered by a growth in their own numbers, a slowdown in the US economy, and a reduction in government grants. Of the 125 annual reports studied, nearly 60% stated that they had obtained funding from pharma.
The American Heart Association, with record revenues of US$ 653 million in 2004, reported 37 pharmaceutical company donors (eight of which belonged to a roundtable that provided US$ 1.4 million in the same fiscal year).
Pharma donations to health charities are mostly market-driven. The survey looked at the top 12 pharma donors to health-based charities (Pfizer; GSK; AstraZeneca; Johnson & Johnson; Merck; Novartis; Aventis; Roche; Eli Lilly; Bristol-Myers Squibb; Wyeth; and Abbott), plus the types of health-based charities to which these companies gave their money. In almost 100% of cases, pharmaceutical companies sought associations with patient organisations that specialise in the therapeutic areas in which the drug companies research, develop or market products.
High-profile health charities get much of the available money. The top ten health-based charities (as ranked by revenue) that accept money from pharmaceutical companies include the American Cancer Society; the American Heart Association; the American Diabetes Association; Marie Curie Cancer Care [UK]; Help the Aged [UK]; the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada; the Arthritis Foundation [US]; the Canadian Cancer Society; Rethink [UK]; and the Canadian Diabetes Association.
Only four out of the 125 annual reports of health charities contained data about the scale and amounts of money provided by pharma.
Source: “HSCNews 2005 review of health campaigners’ Annual Reports ”, in HSCNews, issue 15, February 2005, pages 6-27; plus 62-page Appendix.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 02:52 PM
Kristy said:
I love how the study says that high risk patients have a worse prognosis than healthy subjects and that lifestyle changes and treatment of risk factors are a good thing.
Well, duh! How many years of medical school did someone have to go through to put that together?
I’ve actually had really good luck with my HMO (Kaiser Permanente.) I know most people think they’re evil and everything but they’ve been really good for me. My husband is about 100 pounds overweight and has borderline high blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar and off and on back pain and they prescribed diet and exercise. I’d think a doctor truly in the pocket of the drug companies would prescribe cholesterol medicine, high blood pressure medicine, insulin and some gastric bypass surgery for good measure. He even asked about getting a prescription for weight loss drugs and she explained that it’s not really worth it because all it really does is raise your blood pressure and you still have to work just as hard to take the weight off. She said that drugs should be a last resort as opposed to a first resort.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 04:05 PM
Greg said:
OK, Bingoaster, I see your point…our glib-bullets collided in midair. You were being sarcastic about quasi-government “funding” and I was being sardonic about quasi-public “donations.”
I don’t disagree with you at all. Business dollars are the real driver, not genuine public donations or gov’t funding. Or another way to look at it, the pharmas own you AND your elected representative.
What’s odd to me is the inordinate sway that pharma-lobby dollars have over, say, retail-lobby dollars, of which there are a lot more. Or any number of other industries. Do lawmakers get more of a charge out of money from Pfizer vs. Sears? Or is it the cool pens and notepads the pharmas give out? Maybe it’s the fact that pharma reps are mostly young, attractive women and most lawmakers are … Rumsfelds.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 04:54 PM
Ginger said:
I have a doctor I really like, but I’m in Austin. A little far to drive from Dallas. My LDL shot up this year and he told me to eat almonds. He also told me he’d like to see it come down some, but not necessary to get it under 100, the “new” guidlines.
Almonds, fish oil and red yeast rice took it under 100, anyway.
But when I have to change insurance, I always take the doctor list to nurses I know and trust, and they almost always point to the same doctor. So, Jon, if you know any good, holistically oriented nurses, ask them.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 09:07 PM
Cally said:
Hi Jon, I find your comments on American Drs interesting. I practice medicine overseas after extreme frustration with our American system. I hated being forced to see patients in 5 minutes, encouraged to write for antibiotics when exercise and diet would suffice, and pages upon pages of what I said and didnt say, patient response and what they did or did not ask in case I got sued between now and eternity. Please put that on your suck list. Now I specialize in Diabetes in the Middle East and delight in utilizing what the US system would call Alternative Medicine/Holistic Practice Management. Interesting huh. Want some good American doctors, just look overseas.
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 10:00 PM
Paul said:
Gee Jon..how about a an hour with Andrew Weil and Tom Venuto on the Larry King show…you really need to take your rants national..
BTW my Doc is great..a personal friend and fellow runner..nutrition and exercise = a healthy mind and body.
How about you get those Fat Sucks t shirts done up for us.
Paul
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 11:29 PM
Jon Benson said:
To Cally;
Amen, amen!! NO doubt the medical care is superior as you guys are open to holistic medicine.
Thank you VERY much for doing what you do, especially where you’re doing it. I’m flattered that you’d respond.
To Paul;
Hey, is he in Dallas?? Let me know.
I’d love to chat with Fat Andy. Nothing like having Santa Claus as our national “medical specialist.”
Sorry man — not a fan, even though he says some good stuff.
To Ginger;
Ask your doc to show you the evidence for LDL and ‘danger’. The only danger is small particle LDL, and that (in particular ApoB) increases as total LDL decreases.
However, your doc is right on with ‘not’ lowering it too low and using natural fats. Bravo!
Posted on Jan 04, 2006 11:40 PM
anna said:
Jon
I don’t know if you read my blog couple of days ago about the problem with feet..
anyway i went to the acupuncturist and guess what he helped me.
to think that the regular doctor was pressing for surgery…? I think I am becoming a beliver in alternative medicine.
From really bad pain in my foot after one sesion with the acupunturist i am almost pain free and don’t limp anymore..
Makes you question the whole medicine practice in general - it is all about money, like everything else…
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 10:13 AM
SUE said:
Has anyone ever looked at the Mypyramid.gov site? It has a pyramid tracker where you enter your food and it tells you your nutritional intake values. It seems a little off to me?
Although the emoticons are cute.
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 11:32 AM
Tammy said:
When I was in nursing school 20 years ago I couldn’t believe that diet and exercise and alternative methods weren’t emphasized more. Most all of my clinicals were secondary health care, or hospital and clinic settings, although there was the option of a primary focus concerning community and school health, but nothing offered in the way of alternative or holistic medicine. I was thought to be quite strange that I would inquire about such services, attempting to prevent AND treat conditions with the alternative methods (who would think that the basics of diet and exercise would be considered ‘alternative’!) and felt like it was so obvious! I told the School that in the near future there would be more and more availability and education with regards to holistic health care practices and I was going to be involved. Despite the delay in my career I continued to pursue education in and using alternative means and have helped the School to encorporate at least one class in this, both to the nursing school and medical schools! I am proud to be a nurse today because more and more we encourage and teach these and attempt to ‘suggest’ to the doctors the importance and benefits of such. I am going to pursue a career practicing in the Wellness Center here and am looking forward to sharing the knowledge I have gained from all of you! Keep up the awesome work!
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 12:06 PM
Joe said:
I cannot wait for Scale the World!! Even after the 10 challenge I keep tuning in just to read blog entries like this.
I too am awating the Fat Sucks shirts. Any word Jon?
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 02:08 PM
Jon Benson said:
To Anna:
I’m a big fan of acupuncture. I’m using qigong right now to just help the process along, however, it’s just helping to heal. The feet are being re-injured over and over again, so something has to be done structurally.
Thanks for the input!
To Sue:
Yes, and good luck with that. The Food Pyramid. Geez. Turn the thing upside-down and most people would be healthier. I wouldn’t doubt the numbers are off. There are better resources online, of that I’m sure.
To Tammy:
They’re still not emphasized, mainly because of what my ER friend was saying: “disease care”, not “health care”.
There’s a lot more money in treating symptoms than preventing illness.
Keep up the good fight!
To Joe:
The 10 in 10 Challenge is not over! Just to be clear. : ) It continues on and on, like that damn rabbit.
“Scale The World” kicks off tomorrow, assuming all the programming bits fall into place. We’re working hard today to ensure they will. It’s going to be trey-cool.
Jon
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 02:53 PM
Amy said:
This post immediately reminded me of Joe Jackson’s song “Cancer”. The lyrics include “Everything … gives you cancer”, which I sing to my husband whenever the topic (of cancer) comes up. My mother-in-law has told me that Beef causes cancer, so she doesn’t eat it anymore!!?? She read it some where, so it must be true! (NOT)
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 03:15 PM
Lissa!!! said:
I am very exciting to begin the new 10 in 10 right from the beginning and post my results regularly… I have not been on the scale in a very long time and this morning was a bit shocked by the #…I know I should not use the scale alone as a measure but I figured I need to measure somehow and may have my bf measured in the next couple weeks…..also looking forward to scale the world.
Posted on Jan 05, 2006 04:11 PM
Lee at work said:
My mother had a different take. She used to say that the person had died of “heart stoppage”.
Posted on Jan 06, 2006 07:17 AM
Lissa!!! said:
Ive been checking all morning for Scale the world and finally saw it….wow wow wow
powerful stuff
Posted on Jan 06, 2006 12:17 PM
Dee Renee said:
I buttoned the “goal pants” this week. Zipping them will be the next resting point as I drive to my destination. I am amazed how much better results I am getting by planning my meals and calories than my old way of documenting them after I eat them.
Posted on Jan 06, 2006 01:23 PM
Greg said:
New! Free!
Chcek out the “Friends of Bingo” message board on msn.com. It’s an unofficial, unaffiliated forum for fans of all things Bingo to let loose, get way off-topic, share recipes, whatever… think of it as the church social equivalent to Bingo’s HTTP tabernacle!
Everyone’s welcome! Stop in today and sign up:
http://groups.msn.com/FriendsofBingo
Posted on Jan 06, 2006 01:44 PM
Alyson said:
Did the rest of you bloggers get anything about Scale the World today?? I didn’t and I was wondering if the launch was successful….
Posted on Jan 06, 2006 06:59 PM
Jon Benson said:
Scale The World is scaling the world of technical glitches at the moment. We’re working through it all, but it may be Monday before the release. I’ll send an email to everyone once we’re live.
Jon
Posted on Jan 06, 2006 07:01 PM
Tammy said:
Hi Greg! I can’t find the message anywhere, help! It sounds great!
Posted on Jan 07, 2006 10:09 AM
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